I suck at talking on the phone, especially to women. this is largely due to the activities i take up while on the phone (watching tv chores video games or aim). in fact its starting to seem like im duping myself into the whole txt message thing. i think this is because messages are short often vague and can be said without remorse.

anyway prom came and went, as did the 500 bucks i spent on it.but i got to say if things go as well as they are now with the girl im talking to and took to prom, then it will be worth it. you see ive come to realize over the past months that i have little to no self control when it comes to how i act with women. if im around a bunch of hot girls i generally am very flirty i guess is a good word for it. and i behave in a way that isnt appropriate for guys in a serious relationship regardless if im in a relationship or not. fortunately ive come to realize im a complete dick, and they say admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery. my problem, adhd of romantic partners. my eyes wonder one way then the next then the next. i believe this is because ive gotten so used to the idea of dating casually that i cant really snap out of it. so why bother telling all of you about this?

well i really like the girl i took to prom, and i know she likes me as well. so whats the problem? well the problem is me. she hasnt had very many relationships from what i gather and me thinking i might do something that could hurt her feelings should probably keep a little bit of distance and try to just date socially.

well this is nice because theres no pressure to to do "anything" with her just relax and have fun. and i like having things this way. however i also wish to go into that whole exclusive thing with her im just not sure if i can do that.

however i think it may be done easier since my biggest stoner buddy/ brother/second house roommate just got back from access and he says hes done with most drugs and all liquor.

we may still drink a little beer every now or then for flavor but not to get shit faced any more. as far as gfs go, well i was going out with a different girl every time we hung out because he'd have a new girl and they would bring a friend and i would stay in touch for about 3 weeks then never call back.

now he has himself an exclusive relationship and hes alot more mellow so i think having a friend like that will help me stay the course of an exclusive thing.

so i guess there is no problem. except, her dad. he called her a "slut"(allegedly i dont know the guy or her home life so i cant validate this) because she went out to the movie with me and a bunch of hers and my friends. anyway summer is approaching and i figure i might be able to take her out to the lake to hang out since im going to live on the lake when im not working.

this is btw the same girl who goes to church every Sunday and thinks the fact im a satanist is cool. not cool as is hip but cool as in a kind of "oh thats unique and nice" kind of way.

she was really into disturbed but ive been giving her some songs by Old Man's Child, Dissection, and Amon Amarth and shes some what getting into them. she hasn't really asked for any of the songs i just send them t her and she will make a comment but i am sure they are sincere.

anyway condensed version i like a girl but am afraid i will end up hurting her because i will drive relationships in the ground. but i think i can finally handle and exclusive relation ship so it might be worth a try.

anyway im sure at least one of her friends will read this and pass it on as girls are rather chatty which will be rather convenient for because over the past couple days i havent been online at all.